A good day for you, indeed, but what do you do with it? People I know might say buy a fancy car, get plastic surgery, pay off loans, have a party with an endangered species buffet, quit my job or take my girlfriend out for an amazing dinner at the Olive Garden. All good ideas, a good mix of the selfish and the selfless. But what about the youth? What do kids, especially Taiwanese kids forced to attend English school taught by a doofus foreigner, want to do with free money? I got a preview of their innermost desires on Friday.
I was teaching the 10-year olds - a bright young group full of future lawmakers, ditch diggers, scientists and crash test dummies. To begin classes, I always have some kind of warm-up which can be in the form of a sentence, question, activity or nap. This afternoon was...
"What would you do if you had $1,000,000 dollars?"
Teacher Andrew: "I would buy a fast car."
Of course I wouldn't but whatever. Besides, I couldn't drive fast in this city even if I wanted too. The roads are as clogged as Dick Cheney's arteries and the ubiquitous scooter would block my path like a boss. At first I wrote "I would buy a case of Dom Perignon's Moet et Chadon, a pet anteater and a Faberge egg" but tragically I was unable to translate any of the items on my wishlist. So I went with the car, easy is good. Students began to answer (all of the answers 100% unchanged), initially with the moral correctness of a saint: "I would donate it, I would give it to my mom" and "I would give it back." Wait, what? To who? Take the money and run you fools! Do you realize how many Pokemon you can buy? Have you ever had candy for breakfast, lunch and dinner? You could buy Giraffe school, fire me, pay me to be your servant and make me do humiliating things all day - too late on that last part. I congratulated them on their earnest kindness towards others, BUT, what fun would that be? I changed the question to "What would you buy with..." Finally, some creativity. Here are the top answers, the names have been changed to protect the incompetent...
4. Melinda: "I would buy 10,000 tomatoes."
She doesn't look Italian but I've been wrong about these things before. What I loved about this answer was the specificity (say that three times fast). First, 10,000. I've been alive for 8,976 days which means a tomato a day, every day for my whole life. Second, tomatoes. I don't like any product in the world to have 10,000 of it. If you know me well, maybe Frank's RedHot but still, wow.
3. Patricia: "I would buy 100 mice and one snake."
Somebody start hugging this girl. I'm sure at first the snake would be pumped. But after looking at the varmints for a little while, I think it would just end up wondering where to put all of these furry entrees. Kind of like having 10,000 tomatoes. "...no, yeah I like mice. But. You know I eat one every couple weeks, right?"
2. Buddy: "I would buy your head."
Good hair day? More like mesmerizing hair day. What would he do with it? Bowling? Keep it in a jar? I didn't dig to find the answer, some things are not worth finding out. Better idea Buddy, just take a picture. Please? Is that sword real? Ok that's not funny. Put it down, seriously. No? Ok, minus two points. Yeah, I thought so.
1. Jack: "I would fight my cat."
Yes. Amazing. The students didn't think it was very funny, they all donated to Peta last year. I guess having loads of money allows you to follow your passions: Jimmy likes animal combat. Iconic match-ups like "Ali v Frazier," "De La Hoya v Mayweather," "Tyson v Holyfield" will be replaced by "Jack v Mittens" or "Jack v Snowball." He's a bit puny, my money is on the feline.
A foreign teacher told me that sometimes the kids have a hard time being creative. I disagree, they just need to be reassured that being creative is fun and appropriate in the right environment. During their normal school day, students are drilled on the finer points of grammar, spelling and the proper usage of the verbs. But when they come to my class, they are able to spice it up a little bit: instead of Mr Smith as a subject, let's use Lady Gaga. Rather than "run a race" we could "run to the moon." In any case, there is no such thing as having too much creativity, as long as you don't get stuck with 10,000 of anything.
what did cinderella say??
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