#3 - What The Hell Is This?

If you thought I was moving to Taipei and not going to eat a lot of weird treats for your enjoyment, you are dead wrong my friend. Today's post is brought to you by Rolaids. Easing your discomfort after mowing down a bucket of ox gall bladders with a side of eel farts has never been easier. Just grab a few tablets, chew, and wash it down with a tall glass of fish pee and you should be feeling better right away. Let's check out today's mystery...

The Item: I was casually loitering at my local 7Eleven, browsing as usual, and I found this unusual item. In a resealable, pink plastic bag, there isn't much to explore by simple means of observation. The foreground features a lovely pile of purpley-brown nuggets frosted in a powder, sugar I'm thinking, but possibly anthrax. In the background is a glass of an orange liquid accented by green stems or leaves, like Tang with decorated with grass clippings. The only English is a little bit helpful, on the dark pink banner mentioning 'It tastes sour and sweet.' Helpful, I really like the ambiguous 'It' suggestion.

The other side has a viewing area; you may observe your snacks at rest before their demise. Again, not a whole lot going on. The picture on the front is a little bit off - instead of the smooth, snowy appearance, my goodies are wrinkled tidbits covered in white fungal spores. Has this thing been sealed properly? Where did these come from anyways?

I pay for my merchandise and scurry back to my apartment like a mouse with his cheese. Tearing open the package, the aroma of artificial sweet fruit fills my room. The scent is what I imagine Lady Speed Stick to smell like, perfumey and strong enough for a man but meant for a woman. Before tasting, some guesses I have are figs, cherries, tiny plums, dates, or rabbit droppings. Yes dear friends, I had to go there, and explore the uncomfortable option that maybe, just maybe, this rare Taiwanese delicacy has found its way into the mass markets of the public. As an outsider, I find it absolutely essential to separate myself, abstain from any ethnocentric assumptions, and consider ALL the options. More research is necessary...

It is my mouth, I have the right to know. To the right is a strangely detailed and accurate picture of the droppings from oryctolagus cuniculus, commonly referred to as a European Rabbit. Wikipedia has not installed scratch-and-sniff webpages, I am unable to determine a match in smell. The size, original color, and shape are remarkably similar, my tongue begins to curl in disgust. Using the latest photographic technology used by the CIA to track criminals who change their appearance, here is a computer-generated image with the effect of 'powdered sugar' turned on to match my culprit...

Oh...

my...

God!

These resemblance is dead on! The system tells me it is 90% positive that my picture is a positive match. Knowing this evil, maddening fact, the experiment must continue.

The Guess: The Taiwanese population seem to have their act together, I don't think a whole society walking around popping rabbit nuggets into their mouthes could be so hospitable or friendly. Against the strong, compelling photographic evidence, I'm going to say it is a cherry.

The Result: Ow. These niblets are 75% pit, 25% flesh - in my excitement, I noshed a little bit too hard and maybe loosened a filling. Immediate taste is sweet, followed by a sourness so intense, my tongue twists into a question mark, making it impossible to talk. Tart is an understatement, like lemon concentrate, I can barely open my eyes. A few seconds later, the rush subsides leaving my mouth tired, palette exhausted. The pit is oval, similar to an olive, but the results are still unknown. I visit Google Translate, punch in a few guesses of what I think it is, and the symbols for 'plum' are very similar. But technology fooled me once already today, I can rest easy knowing that no rabbits were harmed in the making and packaging of my experiment.

Conclusion: Inconclusive

The Moon Festival

September 22nd - a glorious day. The locals call it the Moon Festival, or the Mid-Autumn Festival, known to me as the Sleep-Until-Two-WatchMovies-Eat-Sleep-WalkAround Festival. The Taiwanese celebrate in a different way than Brendan and I but I will do my best to explain the slight differences, if any.

By Chinese calendar standards, this day falls on the 15th day of the eighth month, the day always ending with a bright, full moon. Luckily for me, this was a Wednesday and schools were closed. In the modern days, most celebrators spend time with their family. What do they do? BBQ, eat moon cakes (above), eat a few pomelos, go to temple, relax, maybe go out for a late dinner and take a break from their hectic schedules. They DO NOT sleep through the afternoon, watch movies all day and take a few naps but the survey of all my Taiwanese friends is still incomplete. Moon cakes are delicious! Most of them I should say. About the size of a donut, each has a 'tasty' filling that is labeled with the dough in Chinese - an obvious problem for me. One was jammed pack with a pineapple gelatin-paste, sweet and tasty, Fig Newton like. And then a few of the others - wow, no idea but I think one was curry powder and pencil shavings, another was pork and melted plastic, another may have been fish scales and walnut shell. No matter, I ate them all - I'm trying to fit in!


We start the afternoon by going to our local church, Xintian Temple. The place was buzzing when we arrived, families with very young to very old making the rounds to observe a religious aspect the Moon Festival. Originally a harvest festival welcoming the end of summer, the moon part revolves around ancient folklore involving an immortal, archery, jealousy, an emperor and the elixir of life - eerily similar to my last relationship. SparkNotes version available on Wikipedia. Circling back, the temple is a place to give thanks on this day but most importantly to honor and remember family ancestors.

I found out this next part from my Taiwanese contacts, go me. The typical spread is on a large table - items include pomelos, grapes, moon cakes, pineapples, rice cakes (not made by Quaker), dried noodles, tea, beer, a few prayer cards and a few items a relative preferred. The spirits see the offering, are grateful for being remembered and help to guide the living in a karma-like reciprocity system. But on Wednesday, these tables were everywhere - in front of apartments, businesses, bus stops. And always packed to the edges with the offering.


Next, say a few words. Grab a incense stick, set it ablaze, careful not to poke anybody's eye out and pray to your ancestors. Maybe apologize too - they saw how you acted last night at the club, not happy.

In this photo, Brendan, sporting a sporty orange tank circa 1988, takes a quiet moment to reflect on our journey so far. Each person holds a stick on incense, makes their peace and drops it into the large black, cauldron to extinguish and release the wisps of white smoke prayers into the air.


Traditional observances, check, time to mix it up.
A quick ride on the subway takes us to Ximen, a Times Square imitation. This photo is a view into the main square which is for foot traffic. Shoppers, kids getting ice cream, couples grabbing a bite and looky-loos doing anything except something. Lots of smiles, laughter and a fun atmosphere. It is a huge area, filled with sneaky side-alleys, where one feels like a small fish in an ocean of a pond. And they only speak Chinese in this pond, argh.





Not waning gibbous, not waxing gibbous, but a full moon glowing with confidence finally makes the appearance. A great day, even though we missed the BBQs, and another opportunity to learn a bit more about my new surroundings. Maybe they have a Sun Festival? Either way, grab a grill, I'll bring the beer and we'll celebrate like they did in 983 B.C., Shang Dynasty style.

...sweet tank.