Pingxi: Behind the Scenes

Let's go to Pingxi! Alright check the list first: super hip foreigners, check. Confused Taiwanese friends, check. Umbrellas, check. Train tickets, check. Ready to go! Of course I have no idea how long it takes to get there, what we will see or where it actually is, I do know we are going to send up a Sky Lantern. SPOILER ALERT: We did it, see post below.

Here are a few more pictures and a little bit more about this quiet, rural village and how every year it gets flooded with people who want the same things my travel partners and I wanted.

Pingxi (ping-SHE, kinda) is a tiny, rural town about 1.5 hours east of Taipei. About 5,000 Taiwanese call this their home and coming from 2,5000,000 in Taipei city proper, the differences were alarming. For example, Pingxi maybe only has half a dozen 7Elevens - oh the humanity! Like most rural areas, the rail system connects the old with the new and all the places in between. In case you didn't know, Taiwan's topography is seriously bumpy; the train tracks weave along mountainsides, dive through long tunnels, and eek up and down the elevations. Similar to the foot of the Rocky Mountains in the USA or New Zealand's South Island, the steep slopes are always within sight, looming quietly in the distance. Towns like Pingxi seem to exist randomly in valleys, a river cutting through the middle, kilometers away from the next signs of a town.

Still thought of as a traditional town, there isn't anything flashy about it. You aren't going to find the multiplex shopping center-car wash- day spa anywhere near here. Instead, you could small family-owned noodle shops, garment makers, tiny tea houses, one school, a few temples, and during this time of year, sky lantern producers. Tight, cobblestone paths weave around the small town center, only forms of transportation through these streets are scooters and donkeys. But there are no donkeys here so I guess just scooters.

On my drippy weekend visit, the town felt closed for business. Not a whole lot going on, many of the shops locked up in hopes for busier, sunnier days to follow. Still, all the Lantern Festival decorations that adorned the weary town reminded visitors of ongoing celebrations. The Lantern Festival is a robust, widely celebrated holiday in many parts of Asia; the legend of its origin is exciting, full of mystery and intrigue, and so long that I didn't finish it. But for the cliff notes version, you can find it here.

But one thing is for sure, the history of the actual sky lantern. Back in the good 'ole days of late 100s, a brilliant military strategist named Zhuge Liang was trapped behind enemy lines, separated from his forces. To attract attention, he sent up a hot air balloon alarming his friendly forces where he was and they quickly came to save the day in the nick of time, hooray! Furthermore, because of his savvyness and invention, today's lantern retains the shape of his traditional headdress, or hat to you or me, to remember the Chinese Benjamin Franklin.

In Pingxi, there are a mix of traditional and updated sky lantern shops. As detailed in the previous post, the idea is to write your wishes on the lantern, send it to the heavens for you-know-who to read, and hope that your prayers are answered. Wish for whatever you want: endless bowl of ice cream, good health, prosperity, to be on the next season of Dancing With The Stars, good luck. Whatever it may be, slap it on and send it high. To the left is a traditional way of preparing; select what color you want (each color represents a different 'theme'), write down your innermost desires with paint or marker in Chinese or English (for best results, use Chinese), and light the fuse. If you want to look really bad ass, like I always want to, attach a string of fireworks to the bottom, that way everybody will know you mean business.

Here, fellow foreigner Brendan writes down a few of his thoughts. I believe this one is dedicated to the Philadelphia Phillies and their triumphs in the upcoming season.

And here I am. So much pressure! What do I want? What should I ask for? How much Frank's Red Hot do I need for this life and the next? To make it simple, I went with the standards wishing-goodness. And to find a magic lamp with a genie that would grant me three wishes, upper-level thinking there.

On your mark, get set...

Goodbye and good luck! We watched until our magnificent creation floated over a ridge line, into a cloudy, gray abyss. Rain, wind, and cold couldn't stop our beacon of prayers. I was mesmerized, the flicker of candle getting smaller and smaller, a spec of red seemingly miles away shrinking before my eyes. Finally, poof, vanished. Hopefully omnipotent beings can read my sloppy penmanship. Suddenly, chills return to my bones, the damp mountain air reminds me of my earthly fragility. Coffee seems like the obvious solution and look towards the nearest 7Eleven. It is as far to me as my sky lantern is, what hell is this?!? I knew I forgot to wish for something...

Sky Lantern Launch

A few weeks ago marked another Chinese holiday for me to experience. This time, I was an actual participant instead of a confused outsider. The fifteenth day of the first month in the Chinese lunar calendar marks the Lantern Festival (my next post will be about the holiday) and a fun tradition of sending up small hot air balloons into the sky recklessly. Here's how:

1. Buy a sky lantern at the local sky lantern distributor. We traveled to Pingxi (ping-SHE), Taiwan, a place that is famous for the holiday celebration.

2. Write your wishes for the year, or any thoughts you'd like to share with the Gods, on the side. You could write Chinese, English, draw pictures, whatever suits you. I'm pretty confident omnipotent beings will be able to interpret your messages, or at least call their nephew who is taking English at the local cram school to help them translate.

2A. For added bonus, attach a string of fireworks to the end to attract attention to your floating masterpiece of hopes and dreams.

3. Set the thing on fire, light your firecrackers, run away and hope for the best.

4. Watch it float until you can't see it anymore. Pray that it doesn't fall from the sky and set fire to anybody's residence or business. That is the opposite of good luck for your upcoming year.

If you followed these instructions carefully, it should look like this...

Here is a quick FAQ in case there are problems:

Q: My house is on fire, did I do something wrong?

A: Yes you did, common mistake however, easily fixed. After putting out the fire by your own means or through the good graces of your local fire department, trying sending up your sky lantern outdoors instead of indoors. Your house isn't nearly high enough for the Gods to read your wishes and it is called a sky lantern, not a ceiling lantern, for very good reasons.

Q: What kinds of wishes work best?

A: That depends. I've found it best to wish for the well-being of friends and family, good luck and fortune for the year, and good health. But if you want to try to obtain a heavenly supply of endless chicken wings, the ability to seduce a piece of fruit with your wind, or merely win a ba-jillion dollars, give it a try.

Q: Who can use a sky lantern?

A: Anybody! But make sure you use under adult supervision and make sure that adult has adult supervision. Young, old, short, tall, ugly, unfunny, illiterate, sarcastic, boring, drunks, dishonest, lazy, rude, and more are able to be a part of this amazing spectacle. For best results, gather one person for each of the previous words and make it a team-building activity. Have fun!

Taipei Idol

For Facebookers who have seen this, tough nuggets.

My beloved Giraffe School; sometimes, I go to work and sometimes, I teach kids something American. For Halloween, it was how to properly set up a flaming bag of poo on a doorstep. For Thanksgiving, it was how to fit an amount of food the size of your head into your belly. And for Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I know what you're thinking -what about holiday spirit? Shouldn't they learn about thankfulness? Do they know about egg nog yet? No, no and major no. However, to prove to parents that a foreign teacher does have it's limited uses, I present to you an all-access behind the scenes for a limited time only once in a lifetime rare glimpse behind the rarely rare footage of rareness that is a practice rehearsal. I know, VIP. Many of you are saying - how am I getting this access, I don't even have a Twitter account? That is true, and you are behind the times, but fear not commoners, I'll release this regardless. WikiLeaks hasn't returned any of my emails, fools!

Halloween Evidence

Do I like dancing? Sure. Am I good at it? Heck yes, here is the proof.

Teacher Andrew and super-Teacher Celeste wanted to do a little something 'special' for our lovely students at Giraffe School in Tianmu. Private lessons are available however there is a three month wait, email to get on the list and men need not apply.

Some Turkey, One Drinking Contest, No Football

I suppose two out of three ain't bad. The last Thursday in November is always the best one, other Thursdays don't even come close. The Pilgrims called it "Thanksgiving" and Squanto's people called it "these idiots have belt buckles on their hats." Silly Pilgrims. Modern America has taken the premier American feast to new levels since the it's inception - Indian corn has been replaced by potatoes, a variety of fowl replaced by one gigantic genetically modified so-fat-and-juicy-we-redesigned-ovens turkey and Pilgrim smallpox replaced by pumpkin pie.

In Taipei, the excitement of gastrointestinal discomfort, bloating and pure bodily fatigue does not resonate with the population. The ideas of moderation, useful energy and activity are still strong within these fine people. Hopefully, they'll see the light. And the light is gravy.

This was the second Thanksgiving (from here on, Fakesgiving) I have celebrated abroad in the past three years. Two years ago I was in Sydney, Australia with a terrific group of Americans and we were able to make an unbelievable meal that was enjoyed for days. Here in Taiwan, little bit different. In fact, this Fakesgiving...I had to...EAT OUT! And it was...at...A BAR!!! Instead of my aunt and uncle's cozy, quintessential New England home in Massachusetts, Brendan and I stuffed ourselves into a dimly lit, noisy, foreigner bar filled with intoxicated nincompoops. Let's go to the footage...

The Food: Yeah, pretty good! The starter was a soup, like a tomato chowder. Tiger beer? Delicious, of course. Next was a Fakesgiving plate with all the usual suspects present and accounted for. I know for a fact the cooks are Taiwanese and they did a spot on job of recreating this American masterpiece. I'm sure they asked each other if foreigners really eat this crap and the answer is YES! We love it. In fact, I eat until my pants don't fit correctly. We eat until our cholesterol level goes up a minimum five points. We eat until our B.O. smells like cranberries, stuffing lingers on our breath, food gets into our hair AND THEN WE EAT MORE.

And then we do it for the next 2 - 4 days until there is nothing left, not even our dignities.

Oh, and we got a slice of pumpkin pie. Back to quaint, colonial New England.

The Drinking Contest: Right from the get-go, I do not advocate this type of behavior. It is irresponsible, dangerous and totally awesome so unless you want to be a total bad ass and totally be like the Motley Crue video you saw on MTV where the dude gets all the chicks, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! Do it at a bar, much safer.

It wasn't even my intention, idea, or choice to participate. As it happened, Brendan and I tied another team in the Fakesgiving trivia game, ten correct answers to ten correct. The bar owner said the only way to settle the score was a drink-off. Now, I didn't want to get deported, and of course, I'm a stickler for following rules. After a quick team meeting, and a comparison of belly bloat, it was decided that I would represent us.

Nervously, we went upstairs to stare down our opponents. Who is my competition? We were pointed to a group of men around their fifties, busy selecting their prize-fighter. They chose a Taiwanese, a bit taller than me, nicer hair but definitely not funnier, I could tell. Age is on my side, but is experience his advantage? Two glasses of Carlsberg, the bartender explained the rules and cries "3...2...1...DRINK!" And I'm off! The first two gulps go down faster than a lightning strike, almost losing control. I'm not looking at my enemy, just focusing on my dissolving glass and looking like a bad ass. At this point, I know I'm a bad ass, I'm almost done. Glug glug glug, winner! This guy didn't stand a chance, apparently going to college in the United States is useful in many applications.

Conclusion: Unfortunately, I didn't get any chicks. I did not sign any autographs, rip my shirt off or smash any guitars. But I did win more alcohol! Even better, our names are on the bottle and the bar owner said he'll hold it for us. This Fakesgiving turned out to be sweet; we ate, we drank, we enjoyed the company of others and we looked like bad asses - exactly the way Pilgrims and Indians had wanted it.

Halloween Part I - Student Funtivities

Even if you don't live in the United States, I firmly believe that once a year kids are entitled to free candy from strangers without doing any kind of background check. The greatness of Halloween spans the globe and my beloved Giraffe School wisely decided to be a part of this glorious day.

For the month of October, my fellow teachers and I loaded our kids with vocabulary relating to the special day - words like 'Frankenstein, graveyard, ghost' etc. were a part of our everyday English. I had quite a bit of fun with them and we'd play charades to guess the word. For example, a student would walk stiff for 'mummy' or flap their arms for 'bat'. I ran into a bit of trouble when they started nibbling each other for 'vampire' and serious trouble when they started to eat each others' brains for 'zombie'. Very true to life, well done.

On the actual day, classes were cut short to prepare for our night activity, taking the hell-raisers around the town to trick or treat. Dressed like Michael Jackson circa 1982 'Thriller' video, my army of goblins staggered from business to business and singing the classic 'trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something blah blah..'. Being the neighborhood English school, the places we went to were preselected and were patiently awaiting our arrival. After the first couple of groups went through, they were patiently awaiting our immediate departure. I guess a few dozen kids screaming they were going to pull down your underwear unless you gave them candy is bad for business.

Most of the younger kids dressed up - many superheroes, princesses, vampires - but unfortunately some of the older students were approaching the 'too cool' stage of their late childhood. For them smearing some magic marker on their face (my recommendation, of course) qualified them as a bonafide werewolf or grab some toilet and drape it over your head, instant ghost.

I also realized why Halloween in New England is incredible. My young friends and I would walk house to house in a neighborhood with walkways to front doors. You could see who had lights on, enjoyed plenty of space to sprint around the neighborhood feverishly and hide easily from your parents who try to convince you that four pillowcases full of candy is enough. Here, most everybody lives in apartment buildings, the city doesn't stop and the candy here is...unquestionably... TERRIBLE! It's mostly hard candy with strange flavors. I swear I had an asparagus flavor, a pork rind flavor and something I imagine what Windex tastes like. Fools! Do you want kids to hate you? Let me tell you, I think you're doing a good job.

After returning to the elementary school across the street from Giraffe without losing a single kid, there was a treasure hunt outside around the track and playgrounds. We should have been more specific because after we said go, kids were trying to climb trees, shimmy up down spouts, dig holes and break into the buildings. You'd of thought we told them we hid gold bullion or diamonds the way they swarmed the schoolyard like an angry swarm of bees. After coaxing them back inside, the treasures were counted up and school points were given to the team of crafty hunters.

Everybody had a great time - nobody cried and I got a stomachache courtesy of a ear wax-flavored lollipop. Unfortunately, I didn't carve a pumpkin, smash any mailboxes, ring any doorbells and run away, toilet paper any houses or set bags of poo on fire in front of people's houses. All that happened later...

Happy Birthday Taiwan - The Most Dangerous Parade

October 10 marked the latest and greatest holiday celebration of Taiwan, the National Celebration Day! That day in 1911 began the Xinhai Revolution, eventually culminating in the decline of the Qing Dynasty and the establishment of the Republic of China. We all loved and remember the great times we had during the Qing Dynasty, like that killer party house you lived in during college, but as time goes on you realize that you'd like to wake up in a bed not surrounded by empty Schlitz cans or iron-fisted Chinese commanders. Enough is enough, turn the page and start fresh.

Fast forward one hundred years. That wasn't so bad, was it? Modern society demands observation of such significant events, bad and good. The only reason I heard about it was through my friendly Starbucks barista, Mike, who simply described it as "Taiwan birthday! So good!". Armed with that English, he quickly became my culture attache of sorts alarming me of any impending events I should take notice of. By the way, his title is coffee master, it says so on his name tag - Starbucks, where do you get the nerve. If you think you could just conquer the world, pay your suppliers next to nothing, overcharge me for a supremo super blah...damn Mike this is one kick ass drink. See you tomorrow!

Back to the event - Brendan and I leave the apartment to play some frisbee in the park on a seemingly uneventful Sunday. However, like every other day, there is no such thing as uneventful. We hear a faint bass rhythm, pounding over and over, unwavering and unyielding. This is not some Honda POS cruising the boulevard for babes - interested we walk towards the source. Across the park, the origin of said noise is the beginning of a parade in our neighborhood. The group is lining up to march and the drummer kids standing behind massive kettle drums being towed by a Jeep are warming up. Pretty normal so far, that is about to change.

The parade is lining up to start, therefore we rush ahead to get a view of the group. And this is where it gets crazy. Typically, to avoid injury or confusion or certain death, a town or neighborhood might close the roads completely to accommodate the celebrators. Nope. Not here, that would inconvenience everybody else, how rude! Buses, taxis, cars and mopeds have the same right of way as kids dressed up like dragons. Share the road you imbeciles! And then it gets better. What better way to announce the upcoming parade than to shoot off a bucket full of fireworks a couple feet from the front of the beginning. People, I'm not talking sparklers either. These are weapons grade, US Army explosives making noises loud enough to loosen your bowels. These are rockets being shot into the air that terrorists are looking to use. I love heavy, heavy metal and have been to many shows without earplugs. But these noisemakers were loud enough to make me cover my gentle, baby ears. Wah. Even more entertaining, these are used at the crossing of every block - I don't see much Taiwanese who drink when they want to party but they sure like to blow shit up.

After watching floats with drummers, men carrying homages to their founding fathers, buses passing the other way full of commuters, women dressed in traditional garb and many more confusing arrangements, time for some serious fireworks. By a river that passes through the west side of the city, there was a MASSIVE, professional fireworks display. Not any of that amateur nonsense close to people's faces thankfully but a full-on American Fourth of July style show that lasted 45 minutes. Everybody and anybody was out to kick it Taiwanese style and it was a great end to a very interesting day. Learnings of the Day - if you leave your apartment, expect to be surprised.

"Right about here is where we expect the bus full of Korean tourists to collide with the Taipei City Elementary School float. After that, we will drop M80s a block back on the Senior Tai Chi Association to distract everybody. Yeah."

- Some Asian Man

**I don't speak Chinese perfectly but I'm pretty sure that is what he said.

The Moon Festival

September 22nd - a glorious day. The locals call it the Moon Festival, or the Mid-Autumn Festival, known to me as the Sleep-Until-Two-WatchMovies-Eat-Sleep-WalkAround Festival. The Taiwanese celebrate in a different way than Brendan and I but I will do my best to explain the slight differences, if any.

By Chinese calendar standards, this day falls on the 15th day of the eighth month, the day always ending with a bright, full moon. Luckily for me, this was a Wednesday and schools were closed. In the modern days, most celebrators spend time with their family. What do they do? BBQ, eat moon cakes (above), eat a few pomelos, go to temple, relax, maybe go out for a late dinner and take a break from their hectic schedules. They DO NOT sleep through the afternoon, watch movies all day and take a few naps but the survey of all my Taiwanese friends is still incomplete. Moon cakes are delicious! Most of them I should say. About the size of a donut, each has a 'tasty' filling that is labeled with the dough in Chinese - an obvious problem for me. One was jammed pack with a pineapple gelatin-paste, sweet and tasty, Fig Newton like. And then a few of the others - wow, no idea but I think one was curry powder and pencil shavings, another was pork and melted plastic, another may have been fish scales and walnut shell. No matter, I ate them all - I'm trying to fit in!


We start the afternoon by going to our local church, Xintian Temple. The place was buzzing when we arrived, families with very young to very old making the rounds to observe a religious aspect the Moon Festival. Originally a harvest festival welcoming the end of summer, the moon part revolves around ancient folklore involving an immortal, archery, jealousy, an emperor and the elixir of life - eerily similar to my last relationship. SparkNotes version available on Wikipedia. Circling back, the temple is a place to give thanks on this day but most importantly to honor and remember family ancestors.

I found out this next part from my Taiwanese contacts, go me. The typical spread is on a large table - items include pomelos, grapes, moon cakes, pineapples, rice cakes (not made by Quaker), dried noodles, tea, beer, a few prayer cards and a few items a relative preferred. The spirits see the offering, are grateful for being remembered and help to guide the living in a karma-like reciprocity system. But on Wednesday, these tables were everywhere - in front of apartments, businesses, bus stops. And always packed to the edges with the offering.


Next, say a few words. Grab a incense stick, set it ablaze, careful not to poke anybody's eye out and pray to your ancestors. Maybe apologize too - they saw how you acted last night at the club, not happy.

In this photo, Brendan, sporting a sporty orange tank circa 1988, takes a quiet moment to reflect on our journey so far. Each person holds a stick on incense, makes their peace and drops it into the large black, cauldron to extinguish and release the wisps of white smoke prayers into the air.


Traditional observances, check, time to mix it up.
A quick ride on the subway takes us to Ximen, a Times Square imitation. This photo is a view into the main square which is for foot traffic. Shoppers, kids getting ice cream, couples grabbing a bite and looky-loos doing anything except something. Lots of smiles, laughter and a fun atmosphere. It is a huge area, filled with sneaky side-alleys, where one feels like a small fish in an ocean of a pond. And they only speak Chinese in this pond, argh.





Not waning gibbous, not waxing gibbous, but a full moon glowing with confidence finally makes the appearance. A great day, even though we missed the BBQs, and another opportunity to learn a bit more about my new surroundings. Maybe they have a Sun Festival? Either way, grab a grill, I'll bring the beer and we'll celebrate like they did in 983 B.C., Shang Dynasty style.

...sweet tank.