#3 - What The Hell Is This?

If you thought I was moving to Taipei and not going to eat a lot of weird treats for your enjoyment, you are dead wrong my friend. Today's post is brought to you by Rolaids. Easing your discomfort after mowing down a bucket of ox gall bladders with a side of eel farts has never been easier. Just grab a few tablets, chew, and wash it down with a tall glass of fish pee and you should be feeling better right away. Let's check out today's mystery...

The Item: I was casually loitering at my local 7Eleven, browsing as usual, and I found this unusual item. In a resealable, pink plastic bag, there isn't much to explore by simple means of observation. The foreground features a lovely pile of purpley-brown nuggets frosted in a powder, sugar I'm thinking, but possibly anthrax. In the background is a glass of an orange liquid accented by green stems or leaves, like Tang with decorated with grass clippings. The only English is a little bit helpful, on the dark pink banner mentioning 'It tastes sour and sweet.' Helpful, I really like the ambiguous 'It' suggestion.

The other side has a viewing area; you may observe your snacks at rest before their demise. Again, not a whole lot going on. The picture on the front is a little bit off - instead of the smooth, snowy appearance, my goodies are wrinkled tidbits covered in white fungal spores. Has this thing been sealed properly? Where did these come from anyways?

I pay for my merchandise and scurry back to my apartment like a mouse with his cheese. Tearing open the package, the aroma of artificial sweet fruit fills my room. The scent is what I imagine Lady Speed Stick to smell like, perfumey and strong enough for a man but meant for a woman. Before tasting, some guesses I have are figs, cherries, tiny plums, dates, or rabbit droppings. Yes dear friends, I had to go there, and explore the uncomfortable option that maybe, just maybe, this rare Taiwanese delicacy has found its way into the mass markets of the public. As an outsider, I find it absolutely essential to separate myself, abstain from any ethnocentric assumptions, and consider ALL the options. More research is necessary...

It is my mouth, I have the right to know. To the right is a strangely detailed and accurate picture of the droppings from oryctolagus cuniculus, commonly referred to as a European Rabbit. Wikipedia has not installed scratch-and-sniff webpages, I am unable to determine a match in smell. The size, original color, and shape are remarkably similar, my tongue begins to curl in disgust. Using the latest photographic technology used by the CIA to track criminals who change their appearance, here is a computer-generated image with the effect of 'powdered sugar' turned on to match my culprit...

Oh...

my...

God!

These resemblance is dead on! The system tells me it is 90% positive that my picture is a positive match. Knowing this evil, maddening fact, the experiment must continue.

The Guess: The Taiwanese population seem to have their act together, I don't think a whole society walking around popping rabbit nuggets into their mouthes could be so hospitable or friendly. Against the strong, compelling photographic evidence, I'm going to say it is a cherry.

The Result: Ow. These niblets are 75% pit, 25% flesh - in my excitement, I noshed a little bit too hard and maybe loosened a filling. Immediate taste is sweet, followed by a sourness so intense, my tongue twists into a question mark, making it impossible to talk. Tart is an understatement, like lemon concentrate, I can barely open my eyes. A few seconds later, the rush subsides leaving my mouth tired, palette exhausted. The pit is oval, similar to an olive, but the results are still unknown. I visit Google Translate, punch in a few guesses of what I think it is, and the symbols for 'plum' are very similar. But technology fooled me once already today, I can rest easy knowing that no rabbits were harmed in the making and packaging of my experiment.

Conclusion: Inconclusive