Overflowing

Sometimes too much is, well...simply too much. Your stomach can be like a host throwing a party. At first, everything is going as planned; you know who is coming by, if they are bringing friends, when everybody will arrive, everything copacetic. But then, guests start calling people outside your tummy party - "Dude, you've got to come by! EVERYBODY is here!" Time passes, more people show up, a fight breaks out. The landlord demands the music to be turned off, all of you get the hell out of here. Nope, not that door, the way you came in. NOW!!!

Yuck! I thought the analogy would soften the reasoning behind what I found at an all you can eat/drink restaurant in Taipei on my quest for interesting signage. Some locals invited me to dinner at a bustling, modern BBQ spot on the east side of the city. Soft blue LED accent punctuated the ultra white driftwood splayed along the walls and ceiling. A DJ in a faraway booth was spinning very mellow, downtempo melodica really underpinning the atmosphere of hip. I'm pretty sure I was way better looking in this restaurant, definitely funnier. Every edible animal is available for your enjoyment, vegetables I'm still looking up on Wikipedia and personal table attendants to help you cook your food on your tabletop grill. He'll even give you recommendations. For example, once I found out that it was all you could eat bacon, and after I wiped away tears of joy, a friendly staff member showed me how to wrap bacon in other things. Like scallions, or more bacon.

Casually excusing myself for a quick visit to the WC, I enter the men's and pass a little enclave in a separate area.

Vomiting Area.

Chic, contemporary front of the house where smiles and enjoyment is shared. Shameful, embarrassing back of the house where discomfort and breath mints are shared. I mentioned that this is an all you can eat place; you have two hours to pack, or in the case, over-pack you stomach with every kind of food you can imagine cooked to your exact specifications. How can theses scallops get better? Wrap 'em in bacon. What could make this lettuce wrap more tantalizing? Add bacon. What is this salad missing? Vegetables, but who cares, we got more bacon! At this restaurant, the words "I'm full" don't get you off the hook at all.

Strangely, this place wasn't a ruckus, with people getting drunk off grease and cholesterol only. If I was at the Uncle Pete's Roadhouse Texas Tequila Taco Shack located behind the interstate rest stop, I would be begging for such aforementioned area (seriously Uncle Pete, gross). But not the case. Clean, professional, well-known were the only words used to describe this place. I guess some Taiwanese have difficulty with moderation. Maybe there was a bacon fan like myself that was overcome with adrenaline, forgetting the limitations of a digestive system, putting 78 strips of bacon in a stomach meant to hold 14. Like trying to fit an anaconda in a fish bowl, it just isn't going to happen.

Two hours of eating is a marathon. In my excitement, I started off the race sprinting. But, over the years I have found it wise to listen to my body when it says, "if you eat this, I'm going to punish you dearly." Of course, I did not visit the vomiting area, instead I visited my couch area for the next 4 - 6 hours while I dozed in and out of consciousness. Besides, I'm on good terms with my belly landlord and I wouldn't want to upset our relationship. Pass the Lipitor, please.